Secrets of the Castle
by MysteriousMissSirius
Summary: Students are getting poisoned at Hogwarts. Who is the culprit? Detectives James and Sirius are here to find out! Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Secrets of the Castle**

**Written for Miranda Nickolas' Who done it? Competition on the HPFC forum.**

**A/N: This story was inspired by the song 'Discombobulate' from the movie 'Sherlock Holmes'. It's a theme that would fit the Marauders perfectly!**

**Everyone beware: detective James and Sirius are out there!**

* * *

"I bet it was Snape," said Sirius.

"Surprising. I didn't see that one coming," Remus answered in an annoyed voice.

The fourth year Gryffindors who called themselves the Marauders were currently laying on their beds, discussing the latest events at Hogwarts.

Yesterday, when they'd visited Remus in the hospital ward the morning after his transformation, a strange thing had happened. A Ravenclaw girl, who'd gone in shock after she'd eat something wrong during breakfast, had been brought in by three teachers. A Hufflepuff boy and a Ravenclaw boy followed suit. And it only took five minutes for another Ravenclaw, three Hufflepuffs and four Gryffindors to be laid on the beds in critical condition. Madam Pomfrey was still doing everything she could to help them.

After further investigation, it appeared that the fried eggs had been poisoned. Nobody knew who'd done it, or why it was done.

"Who else can it be?" asked James. "Not one Slytherin was poisoned. Don't you think that's a bit odd? It has to be Snivellus!"

"There appear to be more Slytherins than just Snape," Remus continued.

"But Snivellus is best at potions," Sirius objected. "So he's most likely to have brewed the poison."

"Just admit that you want him to be blamed for it. It's most unlikely he's done it."

"Remus's got a point," Peter said suddenly, and the three pair of eyes in the room fixed on him. "Snape can't have done it. To poison the food you have enter the kitchen. Do you really think Snape can figure out the password?"

James and Sirius grinned. "Pete, that's a Marauder's mind," James said.

"So if you believe Peter, who's done it then?" Remus asked.

"Snape."

"But you just said –"

"He must have given it to someone else who is able to enter the kitchens."

"Are you serious?" Remus said. "Oh no, don't go for the pun!"

"Oh, c'mon. Don't spoil the fun by denying me that pun," Sirius moaned.

"Are you becoming a poet?" James asked with a grin.

"Nah, I'm just good at everything," Sirius shrugged, causing James to throw his pillow at his best friend.

Then, Peter decided to interrupt the war that was about to start. "Guys, who's done it now? If Snape brew the poison and gave it so someone else, who was the one to put it in our breakfast then?"

"SNIVELLUS!" James and Sirius yelled in unison.

Remus buried his face in his hands. "You two are impossible," he groaned. "Do you really plan on becoming aurors?"

"Yes."

"Definitely."

Remus shook his head, before noticing his watch. "Shoot, we'll be late for class again."

And because they wanted to keep their number of detentions at a reasonable level (forty a month was enough), James, Sirius and Peter followed him out of their dorm.

* * *

The corridors of Hogwarts were as crowded with students as always. But this time, the only thing they seemed to talk about was the poisoning of the students.

"Should we inform Minnie it was Snivie?" Sirius asked.

"No," Peter said immediately. "You'll only get us another detention. She'll think we're biased."

"If you could find any evidence, you could tell her, but since you don't have anyth–" Remus began, but he was cut off by James.

"The evidence we'll find."

"We'll save this school from the injustice of unpunished crimes!" Sirius agreed.

And grinning, the two black haired turned around and walked away.

"Where are you going?" Remus called after them. "What about class?"

James looked over his shoulder. "Duty calls."

Remus stared at their backs until they vanished behind a corner. "Do you think one of these two will ever get a girl?" he asked Peter.

"Not a chance. Unless the girl is nuts."


	2. Chapter 2

"So Jamie, where do we start?"

"The kitchens," James said determined. "We can interrogate the house-elves."

"Alright, to the kitchens then. But let's pick up the cloak first. It might come handy."

Twenty minutes later, the portrait guarding the entrance to the kitchens spookily moved aside.

"My dearest house-elves," James declared, as soon as the two pranksters had appeared out of nothing. "I would like to require your cooperation in our investigation. We are bound to find the disturber of the peace in this beautiful castle. Do you agree on helping us?"

The house-elves just stared at him blankly.

"He wants you to answer some questions," Sirius said with a smirk, and immediately the house-elves began to smile.

"How can I help good sir? I is wanting to answer any question," one of them said.

"Well, recently some students ended up in the hospital wing due to poisoning. It turned out the fried eggs held a mild poison. So we would like to know who entered the kitchens on the evening of the day before yesterday," James explained.

"I has not seen anyone, sir," the house-elf said.

"Bu' tha' im'ible," Sirius mumbled with his mouth stuffed with grub the house-elves had offered him.

"Sirius is right, that's impossible. Someone must have entered to poison the eggs."

"I has not seen any student enter the kitchens," the house-elf said.

"Was it a teacher then? Or a house-elf?"

"A teacher has not entered either. House-elves I does not know. I sees them all the time."

"Alright, thank you anyway. Sirius, stop eating now. We need to think this over," James said while pulling Sirius out of the kitchens and back towards the Gryffindor Tower.

"Aye, James Sherlock Holmes!"

"Who's that?"

"Oh, just a Muggle detective I read a book about once."

"But what do you think about our current research?"

"I think someone used a house-elf to get the poison in the food."

"Sirius, I've been thinking exactly the same thing."

"Now we only need to find out who it was."

"We ask the portraits in the corridor leading towards the kitchens."

"Brilliant idea, James. It even could have been one of my ideas!" Sirius said, and James punched him.

"As if you could ever come up with such a bright idea," he muttered in such a way Sirius could still hear him.

And slapping each other, they returned to the kitchens.

* * *

"Sir? Sir Cadogan? Are you there?"

James and Sirius were standing in front of a painting that was to be found in the same corridor as the painting of the fruit bowl that marked the entrance to the kitchens.

A small knight was sleeping next to his pony. As they called him, Sir Cadogan stood upright.

"Boys? What are you doing here? Why did you disturb my beauty sleep?" he asked with a high pitched voice.

Sirius and James looked at each other with amused expressions.

"We're terribly sorry, Sir, we didn't mean to. But since you're awake now anyway, could you tell us who went through this corridor two days ago?" Sirius said.

Sir Cadogan's eyes grew big. "You want me to remember every person who passed through this corridor? While the Hufflepuf Common Room is only meters away? Are you insane? It would take years to tell you. I would get wrinkles! Oh no, _wrinkles_!" He sank down on the grass of his painting and buried his head in his hands. "Wrinkles, no! No wrinkles!" he muttered sobbing.

Sirius had to do everything he could to stuff his laughter.

"Sir, can you tell us which non-Hufflepuffs took this way? It won't take that long, so you won't get wrinkles," James tried.

Sir Cadogan was still sobbing. "I… I saw a… Slytherin and a Gr… Gryffindor. That's all."

"The Slytherin, what did he look like?" Sirius asked. "Did he have greasy hair?"

"No, she had black hair and it was not greasy at all. She was… she was…" he trailed off while a dreamy gaze appeared in his eyes.

"Now we're stuck with a silly portrait that's in love with a Slytherin girl with black hair that poisons students. Great, absolutely spiffing," James said sarcastically.

"Thank you, Sir Cadogan, we'll go now," Sirius said, but Cadogan didn't even hear him and they exited the corridor.

"It must have been the Slytherin!" James said.

"Slytherins, beware! Poisoner, show yourself if you dare," Sirius suddenly shouted.

"Sirius, please stop speaking in rhymes."

"If not, we'll cut off your hair."

"You make a horrible poet, do you know that?"

"If, as we thought, you turn out to be Snape, we will not let you make another escape. We'll hold on to your filthy cape, until you confess you did it like… like… like a grape!"

"A grape? Siriusly?"

Sirius grinned, for he knew James said Sirius' favourite word on purpose.

Then, a marvelled expression crossed Sirius' face.

"I do know who did it," Sirius said and James looked at him surprised.

"Snape? His hair is long enough to mistake him for a girl," James offered.

"No, I think it was my dearest cousin."

"Wait, you mean Bellatrix?"

"She's evil enough to poison students and – although I hate to admit it – smart enough to figure out how to enter the kitchens."

"She's a Slytherin with black hair and she can have used a charm to discompose Sir Cadogan," James continued.

"Let's arrest her!" Sirius said, a smile stretching out on his face.

"Right away, Sirius!"

But suddenly they heard a cold voice behind them. "That's enough for now, boys."


	3. Chapter 3

"Professor, we swear it is Bellatrix. We found the evidence!" Sirius said but Dumbledore just smiled.

"Sir Cadogan was confused, so I'm afraid he's no reference."

"Then interrogate her. Use Veritaserum. She'll confess, I'm sure."

"Mr. Filch," Dumbledore said, and the man who was still holding James and Sirius by their scruff looked up, "Would you be so kind to ask Miss. Bellatrix Black to come to my office?"

Filch nodded and exited the room.

"Mr. Black and Mr. Potter, you may go now."

"But professor, I want to testify!" Sirius said, but Dumbledore nearly pushed them out of his office.

Once outside, they set off for the Gryffindor Tower, since there was nothing else to do.

"Sirius?" James began, and Sirius looked up. "Even if she doesn't get caught now, I think we can be sure that one day she'll see Azkaban. Especially when we become Aurors."

"I hope so," Sirius said smiling. "Family feasts would become much nicer suddenly."

And laughing, they gave the password to the Fat Lady.

* * *

"So she had to see the Headmaster? And you don't even know for sure she's done it?" Remus asked in disbelief.

"Incorrect. We do know it was her!" said Sirius.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Deduction," James simply said.

"De– what?" Peter asked.

"Never mind," Sirius said.

Only then, they heard a ticking noise near the window. An owl was tapping it with its beak and Remus stood up to open the window. If flew in and landed on James' bed.

"Hey there, get off!" James grumbled, before he untied the note the owl carried. "Sirius, it's addressed to us."

Sirius walked over to him curiously. "Let me see."

_To Messrs. James Potter and Sirius Black._

_I would like to inform you that Miss. Bellatrix Black has indeed confessed the poisoning of the students. Although your methods are highly questionable, you are each rewarded twenty house points for finding the culprit._

_Regards._

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

Sirius and James cheered, and started dancing through the dormitory.

"We did it! We solved it! High five, Jamie!"

"Well done, co-investigator! Congratulations to both of us!"

"Now we only have to find out how Bellatrix cursed Sir Cadogan."

"Oh, no, not again!" Peter wailed and he threw his hands up in the air. "Merlin, please save us!"

"No need to make an investigation out of that," Remus said and the two immature boys stopped their antics to look at him.

"What do you mean, Mr. Lupin?"

"I mean to say that I was the one who cursed all the portraits on the first floor to act out of character as a prank," he answered with a grin that was almost identical to the two devilish grins on his friends' faces.

"You got away unnoticed _and_ Bellatrix is blamed for it. Remy, we love you!" said James.

"And by solving that mystery, the Marauders went down in history," Sirius said, before three pillows were thrown at his head.

* * *

**And that's the end. I hope you liked reading that as much as I liked writing it! :)**

**If you were wondering, madam Pomfrey healed all the students that were poisoned.**

**~MysteriousMissSirius**


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